Dear Annie: I will be moving soon — several states away — and I’m torn about the state of my relationship. I’ve been with my significant other for five years. That’s not something I can easily let go of. But we have been growing apart for some time now, and we’ve discussed that we both feel we’ll break up eventually.
Our communication is second to none. He’s game to make the move with me, but I worry that it wouldn’t be good for him — or for me — in the long run, considering we agree we don’t want to stay together all that much longer. Of course, he could move with me and find self-growth opportunities in our new place of residence. That part can happen independent of me, and our current relationship, should it come to an end.
But I feel guilty letting him make that jump when it may be wiser in the long run for us to go our separate ways. This we’ve talked about, too. Like I said, awesome communication. Any wisdom on how we should handle this?
— Torn Traveler
Dear Torn Traveler: Breaking up with a partner is never easy, especially one you have been with for five years and have awesome communication with. If you both have agreed that you don’t plan to stay together much longer, then why do you want him to move with you? Of course, it’s a free country, and if he wants to follow you, that’s his choice. But you would be wise not to encourage or discourage him
If you think he wants to follow you because he wants a longer-term relationship, and you want to end it, then you must have a clear and direct conversation with him about the fact that your future plans do not include his involvement in your life. That would be honest and “awesome” communication.
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