Annie Lane

Dear Annie: My daughter was 14 weeks pregnant when the baby died. The nurse midwives, who were wonderful, sent her home to have the miscarriage and told her it could take up to two weeks to “be complete.”

I was surprised and extremely saddened by how she was treated by her supervisor at work. When she called her supervisor to explain why she would not be coming into work, she was told she could have three sick days, but after that, she would need to take vacation time.

After my daughter and I discussed the situation, she applied, and was approved, for benefits from the Family and Medical Leave Act, but the mental damage had been done.

As the grandmother, I also called my office to explain the situation — that I would be staying with my daughter, and I was told by my supervisor that she would put me down for vacation/sick time. What is wrong with people?

 — Surprised and Saddened Grandmother

Dear Grandmother: I am so sorry for the loss of your grandchild. I can feel how much you and your daughter loved this baby. You are 100% correct that her employer and your supervisor should have been much more sensitive to both of you. Try not to allow their insensitivities to further your pain. Clearly they have not experienced such a loss and don’t know the depths of your sorrow.

Now is the time for you and your daughter to surround yourselves with warrior women — women who have experienced a similar loss and know what it feels like to live in a world where you lost a baby or a grandchild.

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