Dear Annie

Editor’s Note: Annie Lane is off this week. The following column was originally published in October 2016.

Dear Annie: My husband, “Bob,” and I have been mar­ried for over 30 years. I work full time; Bob is retired. Over the past year, Bob has befriended a man in his early 40s, “Martin.” This man has gotten in the habit of coming over to our house every day, uninvited, for hours.

They usually stay in the garage, where Bob keeps his hobbies. They often hang out until the early mor­ning hours. Some­times Martin doesn’t even show up until after I go to bed. I feel de­prived of my husband’s com­pany. Martin has a girl­friend, who comes over some­times, but she’s 20 years youn­ger than I am, and we have nothing to talk about.

Bob says I’m being mean. He tries to help ev­ery­one and never wants to offend anyone. I’m a char­it­able person. But I feel this “friend” has way over­stayed his welcome.

When Bob and I take time to go away together, we get along fine. What should I do?

 — Lonely and Frustrated Wife

Dear Lonely: Bob “never wants to offend any­one,” but he doesn’t seem to extend that cour­tesy to you. Though it’s heal­thy for him to have friends, especially in re­tire­ment, I agree that he should set better boun­dar­ies with Martin. It’s not OK for Martin to come over unannounced, at all hours of the night. I’d be peeved, too.

But I think the core issue here is not that Bob is spending so much time with Martin; it’s that he’s not spending enough time with you. My guess is that if you feel more connected to Bob and feel as if you’re getting enough quality time to­geth­er, Martin’s antics will be a lot less irritating.

Dear Annie: My girl­friend and I are in a long-dis­tance relationship. We met in grad school. She fin­ished up in the spring and got a job up north, about a 12-hour drive away, while I stayed be­hind to finish school. We decided that we would try to make a long-dis­tance relationship work for this year and that then I would find a job near her.

A good buddy of mine hap­pens to live in the same city as she does. Re­cent­ly, he sent me a screen­shot from a dating app that shows you other peop­le in your area who are looking to hook up. It was my girlfriend. She had created a profile on the app and posted flirty photos. I recognized one of the photos from a beach trip we’d taken, but she had cropped me out of the pic­ture. Her “About Me” sec­tion said, “New to the city! Looking for fun!”

I immediately called and confronted her. She acted surprised by my anger, saying she was just using that app to make friends. She got angry and said it hurt that I didn’t trust her. By the time we got off the phone, I felt bad for doubting her. That night, I had a pizza de­liv­ered to her place as an ap­ol­ogy.

But now I’m having sec­ond thoughts. Am I being paranoid?

 — Wondering

Dear Wondering: You should have sent that pizza to your buddy. He saved you a lot of trouble and an expensive move for a woman who clearly doesn’t think much of you — first cheating on you and then disrespecting your intelligence with a whop­per like that. Time to crop her out of the picture as she’s already done to you.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to

Recommended for you

(0) comments

Welcome to the discussion.

Keep it Clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
Don't Threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be Truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be Nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
Be Proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
Share with Us. We'd love to hear eyewitness accounts, the history behind an article.