Dear Annie

Dear Annie: I’ve been married for 40 years to the man I chose to spend my life with. I’m committed to our marriage, plus I love him. When menopause struck several years ago, though, I really lost interest in sex.

Because he goes without sex unless I initiate it, he’s sort of angry with me and we’ve lost our emotional intimacy. I have asked myself if I’m failing as a wife because I don’t feel like pouring on the sex appeal, but everything in me says I would feel more like doing almost anything for him if the emotional intimacy were restored, which would require him to reopen his heart to me. Maybe he can’t see past sex to think about what matters to me. For me, sexual intimacy  makes sense only when it’s shared with the man who shares his heart with me and I want to see him happy.

 — Committed but Confused

Dear Committed but Confused: There are a great many married couples going through the same thing. The good news is you and your husband still crave intimacy from each other, even though you want more emotional intimacy and he wants more physical intimacy.

Remember, your husband still desires you after 40 years My guess is once you make more of an effort for him sexually, he will respond emotionally. It’s figuratively the chicken or the egg. What comes first, the sexual intimacy or the emotional intimacy? Seeing as you took the time to write, I think you can be the bigger person and begin your quest for a more fulfilling relationship.

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